eXpecTAnCy

Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love.

Today is the most depressing day of the year. That's according to Dr. Cliff Arnalls of Cardiff University in Wales, who has the formula to prove it.

JANUARY BLUES DAY FORMULA = 81/W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA
W= Weather
D=Debt
d= Money due in January pay
T=Time since Christmas
Q=Time since failed quit attempt
M=General motivational levels
NA=The need to take action

And let's not forget it's a Monday. Still, on this calculated, sorry excuse for a day, I have somehow managed to slip the surly bonds of blue.

It's cold; I owe lots of money (including, but not limited to: a traffic ticket, taxes, medical bills, etc.); Christmas sucked; it's been 24 days, 8 hours, 56 minutes and 12 seconds since I fucked up 2005; and all I want to do is lay in bed when I have loads of work and planning ahead.

I couldn't be happier. In this time of confusion when people will demand much of me -- expecting all the right choices, choices that would normally cause irreparable scars -- a calm self-actualization grew out of the ashes of my former desire.

Today I will sing. I will dance and rejoice in the simplest things. And when the time comes to decide my fate, I will do so with the lightest wings.

noctiluca

'round the Mulberry bush

Ok. Scratch hypoglycemia, but don't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.

Got a message from my neurologist last night. At our last appointment I was missing an EEG, the last in a series of tests taken to check my gray matter. It was found, read and da-ta-da-da...

On that very test I experienced a documented seizure. Ugh! So, this is the diagnosis of the week. Tune in next week when I find out that I am not only having seizures but exhibiting a rare form of Agenesis of Corpus Callosum.

That would explain a lot, actually.

on the night we breathed you in